Somewhere I Belong
by KZam21
Summary: Cassidy's life turned upside down the moment she met Carlisle. Now she has also lost the last thing she had: her human life. Besides learning how to survive as a newborn vampire, now she also has to worry about the new looming threat that befalls the Cullen Family.
1. Chapter 1

**Sequel to Destiny is what we Make** (Book 4)

 **Warnings:**

1\. The twilight saga is owned by Stephenie Meyer.

2\. English is not my native language and i apologize in advance for any possible mistakes in the grammar. I will do my best to keep them to a minimum.

3\. Rated M for a Reason. (See tags)

4\. The story is set in 2017, so there will be a bit more of tecnology in it.

 _"I want to heal, I want to feel, Like I'm close to something real, I want to find something I've wanted all along, Somewhere I belong."_

 **Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong**

 **Chapter 1: Burn**

Pain. I felt pain all over. My skin was burning. My mind was on fire.

I knew my eyes were wide open, but i could not see anything. The darkness has consumed me completely.

 _It hurts..._

It's burning.

I feel the hours pass by. Then days. And still...the pain wouldn't go away.

 _Please..._ I plead for mercy. To someone, anyone that is listening. _Please_ , make it stop.

There must to be someone out there. Or something, that can make this pain go away.

 _Please, i'm begging you..._

Then, slowly, my agitation quieted down as my body became more and more numb. The fire gave way, concentrated in a diminishing point.

I felt my conscience escape me as the pain subsided.

 _Yes._

 _Finally._

I could see the light again. And that's when i knew...

 _Please._

...I was waking up.

 **Note:** Part 4 will be the last one of this series!

I hope you guys enjoy it 3


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Thirst**

I open my eyes.

Three things happened at the same time: the time passed again, the pain was no longer present, and i felt an amazing amount of strength.

Everything is so bright. Clear.

I inhale, loudly, and realise quite suddenly that i didn't need to do that. But i enjoyed, very much.

So suddenly the different scents assaulted my nose. I heard noises too. So distinctive. Crisp.

And then I heard his voice.

"Cassidy?"

In less then a second I am on my feet.

Carlisle is a few feet away from me. He looks extremely worried.

By his side there is, Edward and Jasper.

Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Esme behind them. Actually, Emmett was in front of the girls, -protectively- waiting for my next move.

I can see fear in their faces. And it only takes me a moment to realise that they were afraid of _me_.

At the same time I also realise how different they all look. The whole room was different. It was like I could see every pore in their faces, every line in the wood of the ceiling, every drop of water falling from the plants in the room.

Another strange feeling assaults me instantly. This one I could not comprehend. It was different, but good. It was familiar, but at same time it was something i've never felt before.

I just felt conected...with _everything_.

I knew what everyone was thinking, without being able to read they minds. I knew how they were feeling even though i was not an empath like Jasper.

I felt like i knew everything, even though i was more confused then ever.

"Your intuition skills..." Edward's voice invade my ears so suddenly, that normally i would have been startled. I look up at him, and realise he was reading my mind. "...it has grow now that you are one of us."

"One of you?" The sound of my own voice surprises me. It was so angelical. Just like the Cullen's voice.

Suddenly all my past memories comeback at once in my mind. I see again the last encounter I had with my ex-boyfriend Riley. And finally...

...I understand why everything was so different.

He bit me.

Riley bit me. He poisoned me.

And now I am one of them.

"..." And that pissed me off so much.

I've never felt anger like this before.

 _This is not what I wanted._

"Cassidy..." Carlisle's voice doesn't calm me, it actually makes me want to jump on his neck. _This is all your fault_. "...love?"

Jasper and Edward take one step closer, knowing that at any moment I could attack Carlisle.

And that's exactly what I do.

I lash out, my movements so sudden and fast, i easily push both Edward and Jasper out of my way, and jump on top of Carlisle, baring my fangs into his face.

The look of astonishment on his face freeze my moves for a second. The enough for Jasper to recover and use his skills on me. The calm comes first, and then happiness, but the latter feels so strange in my mind it kind of confuses me.

Taking advantage of my confused state, Carlisle grab both my wrists and look deep into my eyes. "My love, you need to calm down." His voice is pleading, and he does look like he is ready to beg on his knees.

"Don't tell me what to do." I complain, trying to sound threatening but failing due to Jasper's powers running through my mind.

"Please. I know you're upset, and i am so, so sorry, but right now you need to feed."

As soon as he said that, i feel a very distinct thirst burning my throat.

 _"After you've been changed there is something you will want more. One thing you will kill for. Blood."_

Rosalie's voice fills my head. The warning she gave Bella that day. I finally understand what she meant.

Because I've never had such a strong feeling before. I've never felt this kind of hunger. It was unbelievable. The thirst was almost to much to handle.

"Cassidy..." Edward's voice has a warning in it, and with the corner of my eyes I saw Emmett ushering the girls out of the room.

 _I'm so thirsty..._

"I know, we will help you, alright?" Edward's voice has lost it's apprehension, and his tone is much more calm now. "Come on, we'll hunt."

At this my body seems to move by itself, getting up from Carlisle's lap and jumping out the window in search of something -anything- to clasp my teeth in it.

Running was suddenly so natural to me. It felt amazing, i feel the wind blowing my hair out of my face. It was almost as good as riding my bike...but, better, much better. Because like this I could see everything around me, not only blurred images of leaves and trunks.

The scenery was inimaginable to a human mind. It was beyond beautiful. The trees, the clouds, all that green and gray, and brown. I could see every little details about the things around me. But, not only that. I could hear too, the birds flying away, as if they knew i was approaching and wanted nothing more than distance from me. _Smart fellas_. I could smell everything too. And, the scent of nature was so alluring in its simplicity, it calms my raging mind, unintentionally.

Behind me, I hear three distinct footsteps, indicating the approach of Carlisle, and his sons. Edward is the first to reach me but that is not surprising, since i know for a fact that he is the fastest of them all.

I stop then, in the middle of the forest. And wait, for my companions to reach me too. "How do I do this?" I ask, unceremoniously, wanting nothing more than to be over with this shit.

"It's all in the instinct." Jasper answer. "Open your senses and choose a prey."

"It sounds really easy when you put it that way." I murmur, still not used to the changing in my own voice.

I do what he says though. I open my mind to the world around me. There are so many things it is kind of hard to concentrate in only one. I could feel a bird nest a few trees to my left. A racoon running away to the right. Inside the trees, chipmunks. There was so many options. But, there was one that looks much more tasting to me.

It was a panther.

And it was a few miles away, but I knew exactly where i should go to.

And I knew, without a doubt, that my _now_ predator mind, will love the challenge.

Without a second of hesitation, I take the lead and run as fast as I could, following blindly into my instinct. To me it felt like I could close my eyes and still run without a hitch. Not because of my keen senses. But, because, it felt like the nature was talking to me. Telling where to go. What to do. And how to do it.

I was the most amazing feeling i've ever felt.

I reach the place where I feel i was supposed to be, and In a instant, the black panther jump from the branch it was hiding. Not a once of hesitation in attacking me. Well, i was already expecting that.

The whole ordeal went on pretty fast. In a thousandth of a second the panther was on top of me, baring it's fangs into my face. And the next, I switch places with the wild animal, pressing it's heavy body into the ground.

 _This is it, Cassidy._

The beast watches me with the corner of its eyes. A look of fright in its face.

 _There is no turning back from this._

I sink my teeth into its neck.

And let the blood of the creature fill my mouth, losing myself into the moment, completely.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Hatred**

The taste of blood it's really unique.

It's not a taste that I can explain.

But, it does satisfies my thirst. At least for now.

When I am done sucking the last drop of blood from my prey, i get up from the top of the animal and look up into the eyes of my companions.

Jasper's face was stoic as always.

Edward looks a bit guilty, but tries to hide that by putting on a approving facet.

Carlisle though...if sadness could kill, he would be down on the floor in an comatose state. He was upset, i could see. But, he did not have the right to be upset. I am the one that is devastated. Angry. And completely lost. Not him. I am the one that changed. The one that lost it all.

Even the last thing that I had.

My human life.

Lost.

All because I fell in love with him.

Suddenly the rage fills me in once again. _How dare he?_ Looking at me with so much pity, i felt almost too much claustrophobic to look into his eyes.

Not wanting to attack him again though, i turn around and decide to keep running. To take my mind away from things. Running was in my nature, there was nothing as pleasing to me, so far into this new life.

Suddenly I see Edward closing in on me. He looks frantic. "Cass, stop!"

I don't stop though, only look over my shoulder to stare at him. "Why?"

"This is the Quileute's territory. We need to leave NOW!"

That makes me stop, but for fear what would happen. "The wolves are my friends." I frown, looking at Edward as if he was out of this world.

"Things are different now, Cass. The truce has come to an end. We need to leave." He says. Carlisle and Jasper reach us at the same time, both looking as worried as Edward.

"You're wrong." I reply.

 _Sam would never do that..._

Everyone freeze when we hear something approaching. It was strange, even though i never smelled Sam's scent before, i knew for sure that it was him. The scent of the wolves were strong, really strong. Almost unbearable to stand it.

He comes out of woods then, in his wolf form, a smaller wolf by his side. Seth.

"Sam?" I take a step forward, but stop suddenly when the giant black wolf growls at me. I look into his eyes, and see the lack of happiness in it.

He was looking at me as if I was his enemy.

"Sam." I whisper, a pleading sound to my voice.

He does not back down though. He growls once again, moving into a defencive stance. As if he was ready to attack if needed to.

 _Like I would ever hurt him._

"Go away, you are not allowed here anymore." Edward say, and it only takes me second to realise he was speaking for Sam.

"Sam, I..."

"Leave, Cassidy. Or I will make you." Edward's voice didn't have any threat to it, but I could imagine in my head exactly how Sam was sounding.

"Will you now?" I ask, annoyed. But, mostly, hurt. I could not believe my best friend was telling me to stay away from him.

He growled again. This time louder.

Seth whines by his side. Looking nothing more than the pup he was.

That got me even more angry. Beyond pissed. _How could you?_

"You want me out?" I yell, not giving a fuck about Carlisle's attempt at calling my attencion. "Then, _make_ me go."

The wolf takes a step closer then, trying to look menacing. But, I was not going to back down. I stare at him head on.

He takes one big sniff of me, and grimaces. Looking down, upset. Then, he turns around as if all of the fight in his was gone and starts to head back into the woods.

"Go away, Cassidy. And, if you ever comeback here, i'll rip your arm off." Edward sounds upset in letting me know this. And Carlisle grunts an angry growl, not liking the way I was being threatened.

Me, though. I've never felt tremendous pain before.

No, I did. Once. When Carlisle left me.

Yes, it felt the same.

It hurts more than it did the transformation.

"I thought you said I could always count on you, Sam." I scream, if I could cry i believe my facd would be drown in tears. He stops, but does not turn around again. "But, i guess that did not meant anything to you."

 _"I know, you feel like you're ripping apart right now, and that i can't change that. But, i can be your friend. I can be there for you, for anything that you need, whenever you need it. Don't hesitate to ask for help. You're not alone."_

That's what he said to me after I thought my world was falling apart.

And remembering that now only leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Sam looks over his shoulder and our eyes meet. He looks sad, guilty, but also very much serious. He was not taking back what he said, just sad that he had to do so.

Without breaking eye contact, I rip the bracelet he gave me on my birthday from my wrist, and throw hard into the ground next to his huge frame. Only then, i turn around and start running again. The others follow me instantly.

To where, I don't know. But, all I wanted in the moment was quiet place I could rest.

Not that I could sleep now. But, in order to rest my mind, i need silence.

"I wanna go back home." I say, to no one in particular but i knew they could hear me.

"Love, you need to stay with us now. It's not safe in the human world..." I knew exactly what Carlisle meant with that, and it only upset me more, to know I could accidentely hurt someone.

"Fine." It's all i say. Annoyed _. I really need a shower anyway._

After a minute of silence, Jasper breaks the quiet. There was a inquiring sound to his voice. "How did you do that? Earlier. With the panther."

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused. _Did I not do the right way?_

"That's not what he meant." Edward reply. Then, he explains the question. "How did you knew where it was? The beast."

"Didn't you?" I inquire, confused. It was so obvious to me where to find it. I thought everyone could feel it too.

"Well, only when i was close enough to smell it. But not you though, no, you just knew where it was. As if by instinc only." Jazz answer. An look of awe in his normally stoic face.

"I don't know. I just feel in sync with this place. Like i'm part of it. I can feel everything. Like i belong to it."

"You mean Forks?"

"No. _Nature._ "

I don't know how long I have stayed in the bathtub. It must have been sometime because the water has turned to cold. Not that it bothers me. The cold, i mean.

No, the cold doesn't bother me anymore.

But, then, I remember it should. And, that fact is enough to piss me off again.

Suddenly, all i could feel was Hate.

I was angry at world. I was angry at everything. I was beyond mad.

I was mad with my dad. For leaving so suddenly, it messed me up a little bit.

I was mad at my mom. For doing a poor job of raising me after dad was gone. Not that she was ever a good mother when he was with us either.

I was mad at Bella. For putting stupid ideas in my head, that ended up taking me to where I am now.

I was mad at Edwad. For being an pompous asshole.

I was mad at Alice. For seeing the future I would have and not warning me about it.

I was mad at Sam. For turning his back on me...after all we've been through. That was what hurted me the most. Losing my best friend to this...disease.

But most importantly, I AM mad at Carlisle. Because none of this would have happened if it wasn't for him.

 _Why God? Why me?_

 _What have I ever done wrong, that I should be punished this way?_

I get out of the tub in one swift move. And stop in front of the big mirror on the wall.

My body was...different.

Almost perfect.

Besides from James claw marks on my stomach. And Riley's bite on my neck.

My skin was pale white, my hair looks perfectly trimmed. My nails, my lips, my breast, everything, so fucking perfect, it was like I was another person entirely.

Even though everything looked the same. Just improved.

Everything, but...my eyes.

They were vivid red.

Just like Riley's eyes looked seconds before he turned me into this thing.

Knock. Knock.

"Love, can I come in?" There is some hesitation in Carlisle's voice.

I look myself in the mirror once again, giving myself a once over. And, without much caring about decency, i answer him. "Sure. Come in."

The look of surprise in Carlisle's face was epic.

I don't even remember when was the last time he has seen me naked. All i know is that it has been a while.

I turn around to fully face him, not caring in the slightest about my state of nudity, and i meet his intense stare. He looks at me as if he was a starving man. And I suppose i look at him with the same hungry eyes.

 _God, he is beautiful_. He is by far the most beautiful man i've ever met.

I guess i was to busy in my rage earlier to properly realise how handsome he truely is. This time when our eyes meet, i feel a kind of warmt i haven't felt in a long time.

 _Mate_...is it?

Was that how he felt when he first met me, i wonder.

"What is it?" I ask, pretending his presence does not affect me as much as it does.

"I...i...i've..." He stutters, and i have to hold myself back not to snort in his face. I was not in a light mood anyway.

"Yes?"

To the sound of my voice he recomposes himself. "I've brought you clothes." He finishes lamely. Not taking his eyes away from my wet body.

"Is that all?" I ask, approaching him and taking the clothes out of his hands.

"Hm...y-yes." He replies, but he does not leave the bathroom. It almost looks like he has taken root into the floor. "Cass, I..."

"What?" I ask, concentrating in not showing any kind of emotion in my face.

"I'm sorry..."

"I don't want to hear any apologies from you. Now, please would you leave me alone?"

"But, I..." After taking a closer look at me, he sighs and nods, suddenly looking tired. "I'll leave. I have to go to work now anyway, i'll be back later. Feel yourself comfortable. My house is your house. If you need anything you can ask the girls. If you want to lay down, you can use my room."

I nod, once. He sighs again, loudly this time. Then, takes one last apprehensive look at me, before of turning around and finally leaving be.

Now it's my time to sigh.

I feel tired. But not really. It's hard to explain. It's like my body could run a marathon, but my mind was just exhausted. It's confusing. Almost clastrophobic.

 _I wish i could sleep._

 _I wish i could eat._

 _I wish i could have a drink._

But most importantly.

 _I wish i could just...breathe._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Learn how to fly again**

 _"The hardest part of ending it's starting again."_

Sam told me that what feels like a long time ago.

I don't know why i remembered now, but it comes to my mind suddenly.

Thinking about Sam was too painful, so I decide to go downstairs with the rest of the family. There is somethings I would like to know about the last few days.

As i imagined, Jasper and Emmett were playing video games in the living room. I could hear an faint sound coming from the garage, and another in the backyard, which meant Rosalie and Esme were probably busy in the moment. Not that I was hoping to see them. I always had a better relationship with the boys.

"Rise and shine!" Emmett exclaim. Pausing the game to pay his full attencion to me. "Looking good, Cassie." He adds, cutely.

I know he only meant to humor me, but I was not in the mood for small talk. "So, what happened?"

Jasper sighs, but he does not look surprised at all. "What part are you curious about exactly?" He ask.

"All of it. What happened after Riley bit me? And the battle? Was any one else hurt?" I take a deep breath, not because I needed, but because I wanted to prepare myself mentally before of asking the one question I truely wanted to know. "What happened with Riley?"

A beat of silence, then. "Edward killed him." Emmett answer.

I wait for the grief to fill me, but nothing changes. A part of me was sad that Riley was dead. But, the biggest part felt very much avenged.

 _He killed me first_. It's what I thought.

And that thought was enough to make angry all over again.

"For the battle, well, no one died." Em say, quietly.

"I feel But coming any second now." I deadpan.

"But, your friend, Jacob, got hurt pretty bad." Jasper finishes.

 _Jake? Oh no..._

My first instinct is to go to La Push to see my friend, but I push that thought aside when I remember the look on Sam's face earlier.

 _Maybe Jake doesn't want to see me too._

"What about, Bella?" I ask, pushing the sad thoughts away to a corner of my mind.

"She is fine." Emmett smiles for the first time. "She is planning a wedding." A wink follows that statement.

"Oh. Right. The wedding." I murmur. The memories of my past life come and go, sometimes is kind of hard to remember everything.

"Alice left pretty early. She is beyond ecstatic. Started the wedding plan as soon as she saw the engagement."

With _'saw'_ , Jasper meant _saw_ before it happened.

Just like I am sure she saw my future too.

 _That bitch will see what I'll do to her..._

As if knowing where my thoughts had gone to, Jazz sends a wave of calm my way, then simply add. "Please, don't be mad. I know you are upset, but...even though it feels like it, your life is not over, Cassidy."

The intensity on his eyes was to much to handle, so I look away and simply ignore him.

Coming from the outside, I hear the distinct sound of Edward's car turning into the road. He would be here in a minute.

Without saying a word of goodbye, I walk outside with my new speed and wait for Edward to park. He does not seem surprised at seeing me there waiting for him. But he does try to give me a shy smile.

"Hey. Are you feeling better?"

 _Do you really have to ask that?_ My eyes narrow, annoyed.

He chuckles quietly. "I guess not."

"I want to see Bella." I say. Calm as still water.

"And she wants to see you too." He asnwers.

"But..." I ask.

"But, you're still new at this. You could hurt her, you could..."

"Kill her?" I ask, gritting my teeth harshly. "She is my best friend, i would never hurt her."

Edward sighs, suddenly looking really tired. "Cassidy, please, try to understand. You don't know what could happen, you could loose control, you could..."

"You don't know that."

"I can't take that risk." He sounds serious. And my anger start to rise again. "Cass, just...i don't want anything bad to happen to her. I know you feel in control right now because you just feeded, but, it only takes a second for a tragedy to happen."

A flash of Riley's hungry stare comes to the front of my mind, and I visibly wince.

When I look up at Edward again, he looks very remorseful. _He is guilty_. I realise.

 _"EDWARD!" It's my last attempt, but he does not show up either. Which can only means, he must be as busy as i am right now._

 _Please, Edward. Come on, i need you._

 _"If you stay still it will hurt less." Riley's angelical voice turns my whole body to cold dread. He kisses me then, one last kiss goodbye. The one we never had all those years ago._

 _When he is done he turns my head to the side, and bring his lips to the left side of my neck._

 _Edward, you promised._

He is guilty because he thinks it's his fault for not being able to protect me.

The guilt is written on his face.

"Cass, I'm sorry..."

"You don't have to apologize." I reply.

"Please, listen. I should have been there. I made a promise."

"I know. But, you were busy. I understand." I say. And i was being honest. I don't hold anymore grudges with Edward.

"I'm sorry it took me to long to get to you."

 _Okay._

He tries a smile then. A genuine one.

"I want a favor though." I ask, moving forward until i am right next to him.

"Anything."

"I wanna go home."

He pauses for second. Then, murmur quietly. "You are at home, Cass."

I feel to very different things in that moment. One, was gratitude. For trying to make me feel welcome with them. The other though, was sadness. For knowing that from now on, my place was not in the human world anymore.

"Thank you for saying that." I whisper, trying to put on a brave face. "But i really need to go home, my things are all there."

After a second of thinking through, he answers. "Sure. Take the lead."

It was all encouragement I needed to take off in a fast speed.

"I'm surprised I got here before of you. I thought you were supposed to be the fastest in the family." I smirk, triumphant, as I watch Edward following me inside the house.

"I am surprised you knew the way here through the forest." He replies, a look of confusion on his pretty face.

He was right. At first i had no idea where to go. But then i remembered Jasper's advice about opening my mind to my five senses, and suddenly, i started to run only on my instinct. It felt like I could close my eyes and i still would be able to reach my home intact.

"Anyway, enjoy your newborn days, because is not always going to be that way."

 _Ha. You bet I will_. My smirk grows wider.

Walking through my home, knowing that this would be my last time in it, is very painful to me. I can still see lots of my memories in this house playing in my mind. The good and the bad ones.

I remember of my dad and that alone makes me feel a deep sorrow coming from the inside of my chest. It surprises me that I can still feel thst kind of pain in my heart. Even though i am, technically, not alive.

Edward remains silent through out my exploration, but i knew he was listening to all of my thoughts.

I go upstairs to my room and the scent on my things hit me straight in the face as soon as I open the door.

 _Is this the way I used to smell like?_

"Yes." Edward answer, as he props himself against the open door.

 _It smells good._ I gulp. My throat feels dry. So this is how human scent feels like?

Edward chuckles. "And it's your own. You have no idea how the other ones smell."

"How is Bella's to you?" I ask, intrigued.

His eyes darken as he answer. "Like the finest glass of wine."

Being an ex almost-alcoholic, I knew exactly how hard it must be for him.

"How do you handle it?"

His features soften when he responds. "I love Bella to much to be able to hurt her. I would rather cut my own arm off than injuring her anyhow."

I don't say anything to that, and he does not elaborate either, so I simply turn around and start organizing my belongings.

Without caring about modesty, I take the borrowed clothes off, and put ones of my own. I knew Edward enough to know that he had the decency to not watch while i changed.

Being back into my own outfit felt better. But, there was a small part of me that felt those clothes did not belong to me anymore.

"You are a different person. A lot of things about will change. Maybe, even your ideals." Edward, once again, answers a question that I did not asked. "If you want new things we could always go shopping..."

I laugh then. Thinking about Edward and I on a shopping spree got that reaction out of me. He looks up, surprised. It was the first time I truely laughed ever since I woke up in the morning. "You would go shopping with me?"

"Oh. Well, if you prefer a girl companion, Alice would love..."

"No, thanks." I quickly answer. Mood suddenly down.

 _I am still too upset with Alice._

"How about, Rosalie then?"

 _Please, god, kill me._

"...Esme?" He sounds insecure in asking me that but does anyway.

I stop and think about for a moment. _Huh. Maybe_

"I'm sure she would love to." He sends me a genuine smile, and I have to try really hard not reciprocate.

It is my best option.

And, I suppose is time to forget about the past, in order to start a new future.

I push those thoughts out of my head and pull a bag from the underneath of my bed. Due to my vampire speed, in less then a minute all my clothes, a few shoes and small souvenirs from my past fill the bag to the brim.

I look around to make sure i did not forget anything, and come face to face with an old a painting of a beautiful crow in an amazing scenery with a phrase on the bottom.

Distantly a image comes to my mind but it's kind of foggy.

A memory.

My father gave me that painting. I don't remember when, or why, but I know the painting had been his prior. And that it was one of my favorite gifts of all times.

" _Take this broken wings and learn how to fly again."_ Edward reads the phrase in the painting out loud.

"Do you think he meant something by giving me that?" I ask, not yet taking my eyes off of the image.

I did not have to explain to him of who i was talking about. Edward knew my head like the palm of his hand. Sometimes it makes me feel like he knew me better than I knew myself.

"Yes."

"What?"

 _"Be alright."_

 _"Cassie, daddy loves you more than anything. But, I won't be here forever. Do you understand?"_

 _"Why not, daddy?"_

 _"Because that's how life is. And, i need you to understand that, whatever hardship you go through in your life, there is always a way of fixing it."_

 _"Alright."_

 _"I've raised you to be a fighter, Cassie. So you will fight. Understand?"_

 _"Yes, daddy."_

 _"When that time comes in your life, remember this moment. I am sure that when it happens, you will know what to do."_

"Do you know?" Edward ask. "Do you know what to do?"

"Yes."

 _Thanks, daddy._

"I'm a fighter. So, I'm going to fight."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Acceptance**

"So you wanna learn, huh?" Emmett inquire. He massages his chin as if lost in thought.

"What do you want to learn exactly?" Jasper ask. He seems much more interested in my request than the other one.

"Everything. You have experience with newborns. Teach me how to fight. How to control myself. How to hunt..."

"I've heard you don't need help with that part." Emmett replies, cockly.

"I wanna know everything. Please, I..."

"You don't need to convince me. I'll gladly teach you." Jasper answer, a small smile hiding by the corner of his mouth.

I smile then. A genuine happy smile. I have to physically refrain myself from jumping into his arms and squeeze him in a hug. He probably wouldn't like that. But he does look happy at my obvious joyful mood.

"Thank you, Jazz. I'll be your best student. I promise."

"Hn. We'll see."

"Hello." Esme kind voice breaks the silence in the room.

"Hi." I reply, turning around to face her.

"Do you need help with that?" She ask, pointing at the open bag on top of the bed.

"No, thanks. There is not much inside."

"Oh." She sounds a little bit down, but keeps the small smile on her face anyway.

"Thank you for the room, by the way. It's lovely." I say, trying my hardest to sound polite and grateful.

"I'm so glad you liked." She let's on a bright smile, it almost blinds me for a second. "I hope the decoration is to your taste."

I look around once again at the different shades of purple, on the walls, curtains, carpet and sheet, adimiring once again the beautiful room it was given to me. Then i nod, once. "It's really nice, thank you."

"If there is anything else i can do for you..."

"Actually, there is." I speak up, suddenly feeling a bit shy to ask any kind of favor.

"Really? What is it?" She ask, always glad to help. The motherly look never fading from her beautiful face.

"I've only brought a few clothes back with me. I thought it would be better if I buy new ones, but I'm not ready yet to be around people, so i thought, maybe, you could go on my place." I ask, a hint of nervousness on my voice. "I know shopping is Alice's thing and all, but I'm not in the mood to deal with her craziness yet, and i honestly don't want to use anything pink or glittery or both."

Her smile seems to grow wider, if that is even possible. It looks like she is having fun watching me ramble. "Of course, I would love to."

I smile then, an honest grateful smile. She returns as warmly as possible, before of saying goodbye and turning to leave me alone on my new room.

Before she can leave though, I call her attencion back to me. "Esme?"

"Yes?" She ask, a hopeful look on her eyes.

"What happened in the past...let's leave it in the past. Alright?"

Once again, she gives me one of those breath taking smiles of hers. The look on her face tells me that, if possible, i believe she would be crying tears of joy right now. She nods, once. Then, leave the room, a much brighter mood circling around her.

"That was nice." Edward show up out of blue. But, it does not surprise me, since I saw him sneaking into my room with my peripheral vision.

 _I'm really enjoying this vampire skills._

"I can see that." He chuckles, watching me stuffing my things in the closet in a unhuman speed.

"Why are you following me around? Don't you have a girlfriend?" I send him a smirk, with a bit of fang showing in the corner of my lips.

"And here I thought you enjoyed our conversations." He puts a hand on his chest, a mocking look of hurt on his face.

I give him a look, but he only shrug his shoulders, trying to sound uninterested.

"Aren't you going to see, Bella?" I ask, trying to make him talk a bit. "I thought you two weren't capable of spending one night away from each other." I can't help but mock him a little. "As if you did anything special on those nights."

If Edward could blush, i believe he would be as red as a tomato right now. I laugh, loudly, at his annoyed face and take a seat on the bed to face him better.

"What? Did I hit a nerve?"

"Can you, please, stop acting like your true self for 5 minutes?" He ask, embarrassed.

"What is it? You've got something you want to talk about?" I inquire, can't help but being intrigued.

"Hm. Yes. I guess..."

"What is it?"

"It's about...well, is about..." He stutters, cutely. And I have to bite my lower lip to hold back the laughter. "You know what? We can talk about this later. It's already late, and you had a big day..."

"Edward." I stop his rambling, and give him the kindest look i can manage. "This morning I woke in a different body. In a different life. So far I had so many mood changes my mind is about to explode. So, believe me, the best thing you could do for me now, is to distract me from the mess inside my head."

After a moment of contemplation, he finally take a seat by my side. I turn to fully face him, and nod for him to continue, when i am comfortably sitting Indian style.

"I wanted to talk about sex." He say.

 _Right to the point are we?_

"Shouldn't you be having this kind conversation with your father? I mean, he is a _doctor_ after all..."

"I already had the _talk with_ Carlisle. And, with Jasper and Emmett too." He simply replies.

"Then, why..."

"I want to know through a woman perspective."

"Oh." I can understand that. "And your sisters were not very helpful on the subject?"

"Please..." He scoffs. "Sometimes I wonder if Alice really is sexual active. And would you ever, by free will, ask _Rosalie_ sex advice?"

"You got a point there." I deadpan.

"And, Esme is so...motherly. The last thing I want to talk to her about is how to have sex with my girlfriend."

"So you _want_ to have sex with your girlfriend?"

"No." He complains, exasperated.

 _I'm confused..._

"I want to have sex with my _wife_!" He exclaims. Then, clear his throat, a bit shyly.

"Oh. I got it. You want to wait until the honeymoon."

"Exactly."

"That's how you got her to agree with the wedding. Am I right?" I smirk.

"Well, a man has to work with what he have." He returns the smirk back to me.

"Your not a man." I reply, sassy, but Edward decides to ignore that part.

"Anyway, what I want to know is. How is it like?" He sounds a bit shy, but much more intrigued.

"The first time? It can hurt. But every girls body is different than the other. To me it hurt like hell. But, Riley didn't really knew what he was doing, so there is that." I snort, remembering the fiasco of my first time.

Thinking about it now, it makes me realise how bad at it my ex was. And he was not a virgin too _. I wonder if he even knew how to put it in..._

"Ugh. Cass, please, focus!" Edward grimaces. "I do not need that visual."

I can't hold back a chuckle, but I choose not to answer that, and go back to the explanations. "I'm gonna give you a few tips, and you gonna thank me later. First: Foreplay. It's the only right way to start intercourse, in my opinion."

"And what would that entail?"

"What do you think? Fingering, cunnilingus, blow job, 69..."

"Okay, I got it!"

"You do what it feels good to you. I particularly like Dirty Talk, but I could never imagine you and Bella doing that."

"I didn't have to know that." He sounds distressed.

"Please, as if you haven't being in my mind before." I roll my eyes at him, and continue from where i left off. "Second: You both need to okay with it. Don't try to do something that will make her uncomfortable. You need to read her body language. If she is not feeling it, move to something else. Especially since she is a virgin, and she is not used to sex, nor does she know what she likes in it yet."

"And third: Make her come first. If she is wet it will be easier to, you know, seal the deal."

"Alright. Got it." He nods, shyly.

"Come on, Edward don't be embarrassed." I can't help but to sound teasing. "I wish my ex would have asked for a girl's help before of my first time. He didn't knew shit about how to satisfy a woman."

"Yeah. Right." He scratches his head, nervously, before of adding. "This was...nice. Talking to you, i mean. Thank you, Cass. Truly."

"Don't mention it." I reply, a serene smile gracing my lips. Edward gets up from his spot on the bed, and looks ready to runaway any second. "Can you do me a favor before you run to the hills?"

"Sure. Anything." He tries to give me a reasuring smile, but the embarrassament has yet to leave his features.

"Can I borrow your laptop? I need to send an email to a friend."

"Sure. Be right back."

He disappears.

To a human's eyes it would seem like he had simply cease to exist. But, my vampire blood shot eyes, saw his every move.

He left my room and cameback with his laptop before I could blink.

"Here it is."

"Thank you."

"You can stay with it as long as you like." He gives me a small shy smile. "I'm going to Bella's now. Good night, Cass."

"'Night." I murmur, to busy turning the laptop on, to look at him while he left.

Now, finally alone, I take a deep breath and open my email page.

 _ **To: Angela Weber**_

 _Dear Angela,_

 _I am sorry to let you know, this way, that i've left Forks this weekend. Please, don't be mad at me for not saying goodbye personally. I hate farewells._

 _But, do not worry about me either. The choice of leaving might have been rash, but it was mine. And, i chose to do so for a reason._

 _There was nothing else for me at Forks._

 _And before you say that 'there is my friends', let me remind you that all of you will be leaving town too. Soon you will all be college students, and will start your own path somewhere out there._

 _So, in order to start a new chapter, i decided to go and find my own purpose in life._

 _I don't know where this path will take me, but, of one thing I am sure, you will always, forever, be in my heart and mind._

 _Thank you for all the beautiful memories. And I apologize for being a bit distant this past year. But, i want you to know that, you were the first friend i made at school, and I will always hold you dear to my heart because of it. My days at Forks High wouldn't have been the same without you._

 _Please don't worry about me, I assure you that i will be fine. I always am. And i can only hope that you take care of yourself too._

 _If you ever need me, don't hesitate in calling._

 _ **Love, Cassidy.**_

 **Notes:**

P.S: Writing about Cassidy teaching Edward about sex was the best part of my week xD


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Lessons**

I fall hard on the ground once again.

"Is that all you can do?" Jasper taunts me.

I grit my teeth, annoyed. Then, get up quickly and move to attack him again.

He moves away. _He is quick._

 _But, wasn't I suppose to be quicker?_

"When you focus too much in doing something, you end up doing it too much." He answer, as if he was the one that could read minds in the family.

"What am I suppose to do then?" I ask, annoyed.

"Open your senses..."

 _Right._

I focus my sight into him, and open up my ears to the different sounds around me. His scent was all I could smell in the moment, indicating that we were definitely alone in the woods.

"...all of your senses."

 _What does that mean?_

He doesn't explain. He just attacks.

But, this time I was prepared for it. No, this time I saw it coming. I predicted.

He meant to give me a kick on my left side, since it was my weakest spot. But, I jump out of the way before he can hit me. Much like the way Alice deflected from his blows that time he was teaching the wolves about the newborns.

He looks impressed.

My senses tell me someone has arrived in our makeshift training area, and I recognise the scent right away.

"You've stolen my move."

 _Speak of the devil..._

"Alice." My fangs drop in rage. Jasper is suddenly by my side. A calm feeling breeze through me.

"Hi, Cass!" She happily replies. Obviously choosing to ignore my death glare. "How are you?"

"Peachy." I mumble. The way Jazz powers run through my body always confuses my mind.

I wanted to be angry. But, it was like i physically couldn't. Jasper wouldn't let me.

 _He is stronger than I thought._

"Well, i know something that will cheer you up! The bride's maid dresses have been chosen, and..."

"Alice cut the crap." I deadpan.

Her cheery voice stops quite suddenly, and she appears to have a much somber look on her small face. "Okay. Alright, you are upset. I understand."

"Just tell me something." I interrupt her again.

"Sure. Anything."

"Did you saw it happen? My death." I ask. And, I've never been more serious in my life.

"I've saw many things, Cass. Many different endings..." She looks down, a frown on her usually happy face. That's the first time i realise how her visions affect her. It must be awful, to see yoir dear ones getting hurt before of happening. Seeing them dying, on her mind.

But, that does not mean she can decide if i should or should not know what my future entails.

 _No one can play God._

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you warn me?" I was so upset in that moment, if I was in my normal, human, body I would be crying my eyes out.

"Because it was the only way. All the other alternatives ended with you dying. A year from now, two years from now. It doesn't matter where you hided, they would find you. And that would be your end. Forever."

"You talking about the Volturi's?"

"Of course. You think Victoria was bad? That's because you've never felt Jane's power ruining your body on the inside."

I take a deep breath to calm my mind raging mind. The scent of the forest always had a calming effect on me.

"How would it have been?" I whisper, almost afraid to knowing it. "My life."

She hesitates, only for a second. "You would have left town after Bella's wedding. First, to live in Seattle. Then after a year you would get tired of the climate and leave again, to a sunny place. L.A first, then San Diego after. You would meet a few guys on the way, but none that would make you want to stay. A few jobs here and there. By the end of the second year you would already be a nomad. Always leaving before you could get to attached. Afraid of ever being tyed down to a place again."

"That, until?" My lips quiver, and i can feel my eyes glassy. The tears gathering at the corner, hoping to fall down, but never being allowed to it.

"Until the Volturi found you. Everytime. In every life. They would find you. And that would be, your last day." She finishes. A teary look on her eyes too. Jasper by her side was trying hard to keep the hard facet, but I could see it crumbling down slowly.

I try to picture it in my mind. The life Alice saw for me.

It made sense, that i would want to leave Forks. I didn't lie when I said there was nothing else for me here. I have been nothing but a nuisance to my friends for the last few months. Always the breakable girl. The princess in distress.

Yes, i would have left. I can see that. And i would probably not want to stay in the same place for long. Not after spending all of my life in the same small town. It makes sense, that i would be afraid to get stuck somewhere again, after finally have conquered my freedom.

And then I would have died.

But at least I would have lived.

"You should have told me." I simply reply. Suddenly feeling tired and sad.

"I'm sorry."

"Okay."

"I am, really." She takes a step forward, an honest pleading look on her face. "Will you forgive me?"

"Forgive you?" I think about it for a second, letting the silence prolong as her anxiety grows. "Yes, i'll forgive you. But, that does not mean i trust you."

"I know. I wouldn't expect anything else from you." She tries a smile but it doesn't reach her eyes.

I nod a goodbye to Jazz and run back to the house. We weren't training far from it. I can feel Carlisle's presence close, and I follow it into my room.

He was there. Standing by the window, probably waiting for me. He turns around, looking at me closely, as if assessing the situation.

He was so Goddamn beautiful. With his kind eyes, and serene face.

"Are you alright, love?"

I ignore his question. Not out of petulance, but because I honestly do not know how I was feeling. There is moments that i am angry, and others that I am calm. It's really frustrating, not knowing what to do with yourself.

"Were you waiting for me?" I ask instead. Only to change subject, since it was obvious he was waiting for me.

"Yes. I've missed you." He says. Eyes honest and full of passion.

"You've been gone for a while."

"Yes. I'm sorry, I had the longest shift on the hospital and I went to check on Jacob after."

At mention of my friend's name, my body release the tension in my bones and I take a full step into my room. "How is him?"

 _How could I forget about Jake's injury_? I am a horrible friend.

"He is fine. Don't worry." Carlisle reply. Taking the few steps necessary to hold both my hands in his.

"I wish I could see him." I murmur, quietly.

"I know, love. I'm sorry..." The guilt was written on his face.

"You don't have to apologize." I say. And this time, i mean it.

 _I can't blame Carlisle for everything._

He smiles then, a kind look on his face. His hands caresses mine more tightly until it reaches my forearms. "I'm sorry I've left you alone on first day. Jasper said it would be better to let you deal with this on your own."

"He was right. If you had stayed all over me i would have murdered you." I smirk slightly. Thankful for the things they've done for me so far. "The boys made everything so much easier for me."

"Really?" He ask, intrigued.

"Yes. Even Edward." I joke.

"I'm shocked." He mocks. The smile on his face growing by the second _. Was he getting closer too?_

My smile fades a bit, and I step back, away from his strong arms. "Well, he is trying, i guess. To be less of prick."

He chuckles quietly, but there is no humor on his eyes. Me stepping away from his arms upsets him. But i couldn't let him hold me so dearly. Not yet anyway. I may not be mad anymore, but that does not mean i am forgiving everyone on the same day.

I try hard to think about a anything that would change the conversation to another subject, but he beats me to it.

"What now?" He ask, watching me closely.

 _Well, that's a good question._

"I don't know. It will take a while, i guess, to get used to it. This, new life."

"I know. You are doing alright though." He smirks then, tauntly. "So far."

"What do you mean _alright_ , i'm doing great." I huff, flipping my hair out of my shoulder. A smug look on my face.

"Is good for a beginner."

"Hn. I'll show you. I'll be the baddest vampire you've ever seen."

This time his smile is much more genuine. "I can't wait to see it." The look on his eyes so lovely.

And I can't help but to return it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Funeral**

 **One Month Later**

It's been a month.

A month from the last time I've had a beating heart.

A month from the last day of my human life.

A month that everyone in Forks thought I've left town.

A month since I've seen my best friend.

"I'm bored." I complain, a pout on my lips. "When will my house arrest be over?"

"It will take a few more months for you to be able to stand close to humans again." Jasper answer. His voice as calm as ever. Sometimes I envy his calm surface.

"A few months?" I exclaim, completely horrified. "So i won't be allowed to see Bella anytime soon."

"I didn't say that. You will see her soon. And. believe me, it will already be pretty hard to hold yourself back. Gradually, you will get used to being near more humans at the same time." His relaxed appearance was starting to get on my nerves.

 _Can't you see that i'm going crazy here?_

 _Can vampires die of claustrophobia?_

"Don't make that face." He says, a small smile forming on his lips. "It's not so bad."

"Whatever, _sensei_." I roll my eyes at him. "What will today's punishment be? Ops...I mean, training. What today's training will be?" I ask, voice full of sarcasm.

Jasper only smirks at my little bit of sass, shaking his head at my annoyed expression. "How about we hunt first? You haven't fed in a while."

To prove his point my throat tingles, a dryed feeling in it.

Yeah. He is right.

I'm thirsty.

"Fine." I reply. Trying to sound annoyed, but not really feeling it.

I don't wait for him. I take off in a run, going through the high bushes and dodging the big trees.

I love running.

It makes my body feel alive. From head to toe, everything feel just right.

My breathing is rapid as i increase my speed. Not because i feel any kind of change in my body, no, the frozen state it is now will forever be. But, the adrenaline of the chase, the hunt, it really draws me in. Like a second skin. It just fits.

I will never get sick of this feeling of weightlessness and excitement combined.

 _Faster, faster, you can go faster._

My feet pound the dirt trail, behind me I don't see nor hear Jasper but I can feel he is close by.

As always I follow my senses and find a great prey wandering about a few miles away to the left. It's a deer. And, it hasn't felt my presence yet.

I decide to turn right to ambush the creature by coming from behind it, but as i was on my way passing beside the beautiful river that runs in that land, a very different scent catches my attention. It was...amazing.

Without thinking I change tactics, and chase the increadible scent that is drawing me in.

In the corner of my mind I hear Jasper's voice telling me to turn around, to change routes. But, i just wouldn't listen. I have to know. I have find what it is.

I need to sink my teeth in it.

Soon, my instincts took me exactly where i was hoping.

 _Sweet, sweet scent..._

And i was not surprised at all when i found out what it was,

It was a person. A young man. Probably a hiker look for a good spot to rest.

In that moment, i didn't give a damn what it was. Who it was.

It was my prey.

 _Mine._

And i was starving for his blood.

In that moment, right there. I wasn't myself.

I was a monster.

I felt Jasper's hands on me before I even felt his presence. He dragged me away from my prey with his arms around my body, holding me into place, with my back pressed tightly on his hard chest.

It pissed me off.

"My prey. _Mine_." I growl. The harsh sound of my voice didn't even made him flinch.

I try to hit him with the back of my head, but the he was fast and probably already waiting for it. It was not my best move but i couldn't think clearly. The scent...it was driving me insane.

Jasper took that advantage and used against me.

He gave me a bear hug, so fucking tight that if i had functioning lungs it would be hard to breathe.

My anger was rising as we distance ourselfs from the prey. At least for a few seconds, until Jasper had dragged me back the way we came from. Though i went kicking and growling, he did not stop once. Finally after sometime away from that magnificent scent, i was able to focus on the thoughts running on my mind again.

 _What the fuck was that?_

Jasper's arms was still around me, even thought I was not struggling anymore. A wave of calmness rushes through my body so violently it made me shiver. I wonder if he has been using his powers on me all this time but i've only realised now that my mind has lost it's frenzy state.

"Do you feel better now?" He asks, hesitant. Probably not wanting to enrage me again.

"I...I am...what happened?" I whisper quietly, my voice back to it's normal tone. "It was like i couldn't even think properly..."

"That's because you were not." Jasper replies, always forward and to the point. "Thankfully we managed ourselfs."

" _You_ managed, you mean. I was beyond...psychotic. Growling at you like that. I'm so ashamed. Thank god the man wasn't close enough to hear us!" I exclaim, feeling Jazz powers lessen it's force. But his arms were still holding me tightly. " I'm sorry, Jazz. I wasn't thinking, i shouldn't have started without you. I promise from know on I'll always go outside with a companion."

"Hey, calm down will you." His voice is the same calm tone as ever, and i sigh relieved to not have heard a once of displeasure from him. He rest his faca on mine as a way to calm me down, i suppose. It helped, a little bit.

"I'm really sorry, Jazz."

"You don't have to apologize. I know how hard it can be. And, believe me, all of us has gone through that phase you are right now. Some of us even killed people without meaning it before. You were great today, really. It could have changed differently."

"It would if wasn't for you. _You_ saved that man today, Jazz. You're the hero here."

He smiles a little bit at that. Not that i could see his face the way we were standing, but i could feel his mouth twitching as it rested on my left cheek.

"Come on. We should leave." He states, back to the commander's voice. Major Jasper at your service.

When he was about to loose his hold on my back, a small feeling of fear took me over. _What if as soon as he let's me go, i go back to the killer instinct?_ I can't help but to grab his hands and not allow him to remove them.

 _I don't ever want to kill a person if that's possible..._

"You'll be okay. I won't let you go. I promise." He whisper, His could breath on my ear only making me shiver more.

Jasper takes both arms away from me, slowly, as i try to control my growing fear. Then he moves quietly and interwine our hands strongly. Giving me a little tug, and finally making me walk with him.

At this point I was hyperventilating. Terrified of finding one more human being lurking in the woods. Watching with wide eyes, all the trees and trails around, expecting something to came out of it.

Jazz soothing voice brakes me out of my delirium. "Don't be afraind. You won't hurt anyone. I won't let that happen."

"Okay." I reply, still watching the forest closely.

"Come on, let's pick up speed. You still have to hunt."

"What? No!" I try to think of a good excuse for us to just go home, even though i know it's been two days since i last fed.

"Calm down will you." He says, a worried look on his eyes. "Let's go back home, alright? We can ask for Emmett and Edward to came along with us when you feel like you want try again."

*Yes. Emmett. Edward. They can help if i go all psychotic killer again.*

I clear my mind of any thoughts, and do what Jazz said and focus on running the way back home.

He did not let go of my hand, not even once.

Later that night Edward came to talk to me.

That did not surprised me.

I knew he was coming.

In the past weeks, Edward has served as some kind of a psychologist to me.

He is usually really helpful.

Even thought he is an ass.

"Hey." He greets me before of jumping into my bed like he own the place.

I don't take my eyes out of the laptop on my lap, I just make a 'hum' sound to show i've acknowledge his presence.

"What's got you in a mood?"

"Didn't Jazz told you?" I ask, trying not to pout like a petulant child.

"He did but i would rather hear from you." He sounds playful, but i could feel a hint of worry too.

I finally close the laptop and look up to his yellowish eyes. "I played games with Emmett. I trained with Jazz. Then i tryed to eat a man. But what about you? How was your day?"

He tries to hide the smirk growing on his face but fails miserably. "I was ambushed by Alice this early morning, and have been doing wedding plannings until about now."

"You won. Your day was worse than mine." I deadpan. Then after three seconds of staring at his eyes i can't hold back the small smile that forms on my lips.

He smirks fully now, and pass a hand through his messy hair, probably having no idea how sexy that act was. No wonder half of the school wanted to warm his bed. He cracks out laughing then, and i realise too late that the bastard probably heard my thoughts.

 _Ass._

"Why so hostile today?" He ask, smirk still in place. "In another life i could say it's one of those days, but not in this one." A month ago I would probably be pissed, but at this point i am already quite used to it. This new life i mean.

And Edward's sense of humor too.

Before, i didn't even knew he was capable of cracking a joke.

Now. though...let's just say there is a hidden part of Edward that i believe not even Bella knows it exists.

And that part contains a 17 year old teenager boy with a sarcastic sense of humor and no shame at all.

Yep. Crazy, huh?

"Have you washed your dirty hair today?" I change the subject with and bit of sass of my own. It was not my best comeback, but bear with me, i am not in the best of moods.

"Come on, seriously now. How are you feeling?" The tone on his voice changes suddenly, and i realise that playful-Edward was not amount us anymore. Damn it, fun-Edward is easier to handle.

"I'm fine, seriously. No harm done." Quietly i add. "To anyone."

"Yes. And that is amazing. So why did you refuse to go hunting again?"

"Is too soon." I reply, the same quiet tone of voice.

"I understand you are afraid of hunting someone, but you can't starve yourself, Cass. Three days without feeding. for a newborn, it's pretty dangerous. It could be worse. If we actually did encounter a person in the forest while you haven't fed for that long, it would be almost impossible to stop you."

I take it in, everything he said. Nodding along to every sentence.

 _He is right, isn't he? The bastard._

He smiles more brightly then. "Come one. All of us can go with you if you want."

"No." I complain, if i still had blood running through my veins, i would probably be blushing now. "I don't need that much babysitters."

Edward chuckles lightly. "If you sure. Should we go?"

"Before of that. Can we talk about something else?" I ask, hesitantly. Not because i didn't trust Edward, nor because i thought he wouldn't understand. But, because i just didn't know how to say the thing that had been going on my mind nonstop in last few hours.

"Of course. You know you can tell me anything. Right?"

"Right..." I didn't had to say anything else, by the look on his eyes I knew he could see my mind clearly. And all the mess it is inside.

"You're sure that's what you want?"

"Yeah. Absolutely."

"it's your choice, Cass. Always."

"I know."

"But, maybe..."

"No buts, no maybes. I am certain."

"Alright. I'll talk to Carlisle."

"Thank you. He will listen to you better."

The sardonic look he gave me after that statement was completely ignored.

My funeral was held in the Forks cemetery a week later.

Don't ask me how they did that because i have no idea.

And, even though i like to be involved in eveything, especially if it is something about my life in specifics, this time I just didn't want to have anything to do with it.

How can someone plan they own death?They own funeral?

It's just too much. I couldn't handle it.

The reason why i wanted to die was simple: It was easier.

Easier for my friends that would probably never see me again anyway.

Easier for me, that now can finally put this chapter of my life behind, and focus solemnly on the present/future.

Bella's wedding day is coming up, and I had a bunch of emails from my friends asking me if i was going to be there.

Angela was the most excited one, Especially since she is going to University of Washington, and it's already trying to make plans to meet me there, in Seattle.

It was too hard to tell her we could never see each other again. So i chose the coward's way out.

Just picturing Angie's crying face leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. And, Ben. Tyler. Mike. Even Jessica.

There is a part of me also, that wonder if Sam would show up. Or any of the pack members. Most likely not.

Who am i kidding? Definitely not.

Just to think there must be a bunch of people out there mourning for my life.

I don't think i could handle seen it. I am almost glad i'm not allowed to leave the house without a escort. If it wasn't such a sad day, i probably would.

But it is. It's sad. And, there is nothing i can do to change that.

What is done is done.

And now i have to deal with it.

As i stay here, waiting. Waiting for _my own funeral_ to be over. As i imagine all the faces of everyone i've met, their sad eyes, their crying. Even though i feel the worst emotional pain i've felt in long time, i could regret it.

My choice. I don't regret it. I didn't lie when i said i was certain. I am. It's sad, i am devasted. But i am certain.

If by being a vampire i am a danger to society. The last thing i want in the world, is to accidentally hurt someone i hold dear to my heart. And, if i have to 'kill myself' to make things safer for them, i will. Even though i know it will hurt them in the end.

Like i said, this way is easier.

 _"Do you feel better now?"_ Jasper's voice fills my mind suddenly.

No. Not at all.

But it was never about me. Was it?

 **Note:**

Sensei - is an honorific japanese term that means "teacher".

 **PS:** I know you all want to see Carlisle and Cass finally get together, but i am kind of enjoying writing about Cass' friendship with the Cullen boys right now. So...sorry, it will probably take a little bit more for that to happen ;p


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Wedding**

 ** _The best is yet to come._**

 ** _Cassidy Elizabeth Carter (1998-2017)_**

 ** _Beloved Friend & Daughter_**

Cassidy Carter was officially dead.

Everyone in town was talking about it.

I didn't need to see them to know that.

They said it was a bike accident.

It's plausible. It makes sense.

And people believed.

That's all that matters.

This past few days i've received all kinds of emails and comments on my facebook page. Everyone wanted to say goodbye. Someway. Somehow.

It didn't matter if i was not going to be able to see it. They sended anyway.

I just wish I could reply them with my deepest thank you.

But that's not allowed anymore.

A lot of things aren't.

The rain keeps on falling on my face as i stand in front of my grave.

I can only imagine the scare i would cause someone if they happen to cross my way right now.

Looking like a _fucking_ ghost. Standing in front of my own _fucking_ grave.

I snort, but there is no humor in that sound. Just bitterness.

It's bittersweet, i suppose. This ending. The ending of this chapter of my life.

But, as i said before it was needed.

And the new Cassidy can finally move on with her life from now.

 _As if it is that easy..._

"My love?" Carlisle's voice brings me back to the present, as he waits for me patiently. "It's almost morning, the sun will rise soon. We need to go before someone shows up."

He is right. "I know." _There is nothing else for me here anyway._

I turn around and come face-to-face with him. God, his beauty never fails to dazzle me. I shake my head to avoid this kind of thoughts, and walk back to the forest camly, in a human pace. I could run and be in my destination in less than 5 minutes but, is not like i am in a hurry. It's not like there is anything there waiting for me.

Carlisle follows me closely, not complaining about the pace i set. Actually, when i look at his handsome face, he looks nothing more than happy. It makes me frown.

"Why are you so happy? We are in a cemetery." I question him.

His easy going smile vanishes completely. "You're right. I'm sorry. It's just nice to walk beside you, that's all."

"That's all?" I quote him, unimpressed.

"Hum, well...I, I..." He looks so cute flustraded, that i can't help but to giggle a little.

The seriousness leaves my face and i can't hold back a small smile. He looks genuinely happy then, as if my change of mood was the best news he could have gotten.

"How about a race back home?" He asks, excitement obviously showing on his face.

I smile at his enthusiasm and open my mouth to reply, only to be reminded of the last time i was running loose in these woods. I can still remember the sweet scent of that man. An involuntary shiver pass through my body and my throat tingles just from the memory of it. My mood drops again suddenly.

As if knowing exactly what i was thinking, he holds my hand tenderly and adds. "I'll be right beside you."

The feeling of his hand on mine it's very pleasant and makes me forget about the my problems, even if just for a moment. I nod once, he gives me most beautiful of the smile, all white teeth showing. It make smy body hot for his touch, and by the way his eyes shift color, i am sure he is can smell my desire for him.

Before anything regretful can happen, I start running and inconsequentially drag him with me. Our hands never let go of one another.

As i am about to sigh in relief at the scene before being prevented, Carlisle close up on me from behind, and whisper in my ear suggestively. "You can't keep me at arm's length forever. One of this days you will be mine again."

I hold back the urge to moan and keep on running as if he did not said anything at all. Then, when we are closer to the house, I look up my shoulder at his face. The bastard was looking at my ass, and he does not look ashamed, at all, at being caught. "We'll see about that."

The look on his eyes makes my body shiver pleasantly. "You won't be able to keep me away for long. I know you want me as much as i want you."

 _The nerve of him._ "Yeah? Good luck with that."

I drop his hand unceremoniously, taking off in a run, and leaving him behind.

"You will be the one needing luck. You'll need a lot of self control. Because i'm not going to play nice anymore."

He said quietly, but he did intend for me to hear it.

I don't even acknowledge him.

But i can't help the way my body reacts to his sexy voice.

He laughs a little, and i know it is because he can smell the arousal coming from me.

 _Oh yeah? I'm gonna give you a run for your money._

Bella's wedding day was here.

And I still haven't see my friend.

These past weeks we have been communicating manly on text messeges and well, through Edward sometimes.

I know Bella wanted me to be her maid of honor. And Jake the bestman.

It must be hard for her, that both her bestfriends won't be there.

I still don't trust myself to behave in front of humans.

And knowing Jake as i do, i'm sure he won't show up.

I sigh, for the fifth time in one minute.

I was beyond bored.

The cerimony and the party were happening at Cullen's house. Which meant that i am banned from the place for the next six hours. Which brings me to where i am in the moment.

Nowhere really. Just sitting on a trunk in the middle of forest. Hoping to god, no human being will cross my path this late at night.

The cerimony probably is already finished by now. Bella probably already said the _'I Do'_.

I have mixed feelings about that. A part of me was extremely happy for my friend, well, _friends_ , Edward and I have become pretty close lately. But, there is always going to be a part of me, a small part at least, that can't help but think she is making a choice she doesn't understand. She has no idea what she is given up.

I didn't have anything, nor anyone, when i was turned. And, it still...hurts.

Bella on the other hand is giving up her family. A loving mother, and a caring father. Her life. The possibilities.

All for what?

 _Love?_

 _Poor child_. She doesn't know that love does not last forever.

In the middle of my reverie, i fail to hear the footsteps coming my way.

I only realise quite too late that the person aproaching has a heart beat.

Before I can turn around and run to the hills though, an awful smell hits my nose. _What the fuck is that?_

I decide to wait for the intruder to show himself. Curiosity killing me.

Imagine my surprise when Jacob Black, in a tuxedo, comes out of the woods.

My first instinct is to freeze. The next to run.

I don't do any though. Jake beats me to it. "Hey. Edward said you were around here."

"What?" I ask, dumfounded. I open my mouth and close, like a fish out of water.

He looks down, guilty. "I went to the wedding...just to say hello."

"Really?" I ask, disbelief written on my face.

"Yes. I thought...it would be hard...for Bella. If both her friends weren't there."

 _Oh._

"Right. Yeah."

There is a awkward pause before he starts talking again. "You know Sam didn't really mean what he said the other day, right?"

Thinking about Sam makes my unbeating heart squeeze painfully. _I miss him so much_. "He told you that?" I ask, not a once of belief in my voice.

"No." _Figures_. "I saw it on his mind. Is all he is being thinking about lately."

 _Oh._

That shut me up. But, i still couldn't erase that memory of my mind. _It still hurts._

"I know." His deep voice startles me.

"What?"

"I know it hurts."

"Did i said that out loud?" I ask, embarassed.

"No." He smiles then. A small cocky smirk that was all Jake, it takes me out my sour mood for a moment. "But, it was written on your face."

I sigh then, feeling dejected again. "What are you doing here, Jake?"

"I'm sorry if i'm bothering you. I just wanted to see you..." He looks down again, as if greatly confused.

"Why?"

"Because i wanted to know..."

"Know what?"

"If you were...well, still, _you_." He looks at me then, closely. Watching every corner of my face. As if memorising.

"And?" I inquire. A part of me was afraid of his answer."

The serious look leaves his face, and he gives me a genuine smile. "You still look like _you._ " If my heart was still beating, it probably have being going on madly just my the loving look on his eyes.

I smile then. For once, happy. Completely overjoyed, that i was not losing everyone. Hopefully, in time, Sam will be my friend again too.

"Yeah. Well, how about a race 'till the treaty line?" I ask, excited to show my friend my new speed.

Jake laughs, then bite his lip worriedly. "I'm not allowed to phase in the Cullen territory."

The smirk never leaves my lips when i whisper. "Who said they will find out?"

He only laughs louder, shaking his head from left to right. Then, he starts to take his clothes of, no shame at all. I do the courtesy of turning around so my back is to him. As much as i would appreciate to seeing that beautiful specimen naked, i still have manners though. I'm not a complete animal.

To change the subject, and to lighten up the mood a little more, i ask. "By the way, Jake. Have you always smelled that bad?"

I feel his laugh before i hear it. And it makes me even more happy if that was possible.

"You really are still your old self, Cass." Is all he says.

And it was really all i needed to hear.


	9. Chapter 9

**Writer's block sucks!**

 **Chapter 9: No regrets**

After my race with Jake -that i won, by the way- it is still quite early. So, i go back to the place where i was supposed to stay until all the guests left, and wait for someone to come pick me up.

 _Boring_...

The hours pass and nothing.

The sun is about to set at any minute now.

It almost makes me go back by myself.

But i was still too afraid to accidentally come to face a human again.

So i wait.

And wait.

Until, finally, i hear footsteps approaching, and Emmett's scent fills my nostrils soon after.

"Took you long enough!" I complain, like a child. A pout on my annoyed face.

Em's loud laughter fills the woods before he even fully shows up in front of me.

"Sorry, little one. We had guests until about now." He say, apologetic. But, the easy going smile never leaves his face.

"How was it?" I ask. Jumping from the tree i was sitting on, and landing in front of him. "Did you really make that awful speech you were working on?"

"Hey, my speech was great, i don't know what you are talking about." He makes a face at me, pretending to be insulted, but i know him enough to bet he did the awful speech on propose. Knowing exactly that Edward would hate it.

"Right." I reply, note the sarcasm. "And, have they gone already?To the honeymoon?

"Yep. They left about 3 hours ago."

"Then why have i been standing in this dark forest alone for so long?" I grit between my teeth, suddenly feeling beyond pissed.

"Hey, it's not my fault. Those friends of yours know how to party. They left like 20 minutes ago. Probably only because the sun was rising." He answers, defending himself.

Remembering my friends from school is a bit painful. Especially knowing they were partying hard just a few weeks after my _funeral_.

I sigh, shaking my head to let those thoughts go, and focus solemnly on running the way back home.

 _Home_. When had the Cullen's house become home to me?

Huh. I guess it is, isn't it? My home, now.

Running at full force, eager to get back, and leaving Emmett farly behind -i have to laugh at that, he was always so grumpy about my newborn skills beating his- i feel a sudden burst of energy coming from the place where i know our house it's located in. I stop, from where i was standing i couldn't yet see the house, because it was still a bit far, and the trees completely covered the view. But, i could distinctly feel the presence of unknow individuals at the residence. Four of it, to be more precisely, that i didn't recognise

And they were not human.

"Hey." Emmett close up on me, watching my facial expression with care. "Something wrong?"

"Who are they?" I ask, intrigued. A bit nervous too, i confess. The last time i met vampires that were not the Cullen's...well, things didn't work well for me.

"Oh! Back at the house? It's the Denali's. Remember? They were coming to the wedding." Emmett visibly relaxes, the same goofy grin taking place on his handsome face.

Oh.

"Of course. Edward mentioned he would invite them." _I just wasn't expecting then to actually show up_.

"How did you know though?" He ask, suddenly confused.

I frown, not quite following his line of thought. "What do you mean? I can obviously feel them."

"From here?" The confusion does not leave his face.

"Yes. Don't you?"

"No. It's too far. How can you do that? Do you smell them? You can sniff them from all the way here? My nose was never as good when i was a newborn."

"No, it's not that. It's hard to explain. It's like... i just can _feel_ them."

The silence stratches around us, becoming awkward and almost suffocating. The only noise coming from the leaves on the trees, and the small animals hiding from the _predators_.

"Anyway, i am susprised they came. Weren't you on a break or something?" I joke, trying to change the weird mood.

"Yeah. We were surprised too. But, happy nonetheless." His cheeky grin lights up all of his cute face, and i can't help but to smile a little too.

"Why were they giving you the cold shoulder anyway? Carlisle never really told me." I ask, genuinely curious, wondering why the hell i've never asked that question before.

 _Why did the Denali suddenly cut ties with the Cullen's?_

 _Why did they ignore us when Carlisle asked for help to defeat Victoria?_

 _Weren't they supposed to be 'the biggest friends'?_

"Well...they don't like the wolves." Emmett scratch the back of his head nervously.

"Netheir does you, but that didn't stop you from fighting along side them."

"Yes, well, their rift with the wolves are not just because they are...well, _wolves._ "

"Then, what is it?"

"It's... _Laurent._ "

If my heart was still beating, i belive it would have stopped just now. I was repulsed and a little afraid just by hearing his name.

"What about that loser?" I inquire, a part of me already knowing the answer but not really seeing it clearly.

"He was Irina's mate."

 _Shit_.

Can life get more complicated?

I shouldn't have asked.

I am pretty sure, i will regret making that question.

Probably soon.

"Fuck." I mutter, a silent huff leaves my mouth.

"I know right?"

Images of Laurent's last ' _living_ ' moments flash through my mind quickly. I don't feel any kind of remorse. No guilt at all. I don't regret doing it, but i always had the feeling that killing the bastard was going to have consequences in the future.

"Are you alright?"

It's definitely coming back to bite my ass. Soon.

"Hm, yeah. I just, need some air." It was such a mundane thing to say, i almost believed he would call me on my bullshit.

He didn't said anything else, but i could see the confusion in his eyes. "Okay."

It took 20 minutes for Carlisle to come see me. Not that i was counting. But it's like one of those vampire things, we have an sort of a intern clock inside us.

"Hello." He greets me carefully. I can feel the worry coming from him without even having to look at his face. He was an open book to me.

"Hi." I turn around to fully face him, and the same warm feeling that i always have when i look into his eyes fills me once again.

"Is everything alright, my love?" He comes closer then, taking my hand in his. The worried look in his eyes intact.

"Yes. Of course." I lie, giving him a fake sweet smile. But he does not buy it, of course not, i am an open book to him too.

"What is it? I know your last experience with other vampires was not good but, i promise you, the Denali are friends." Oh. Of course that was what he thought it was bothering me, i've never actually told him what happened with Laurent. I didn't even told Bella about it. It's not a topic that ever came in a conversation.

"That's not it." I reply, sighing softly. Mentally preparing myself to say the words.

"Then what is it?"

"It's her... Irina."

He lokks even more confused now, if that's possible. "What? I don't understand."

"The wolves are not the only ones to blame for Laurent's death. It was me. I killed her mate." There, i said it.

 _Still no regrets though..._

"What?" Shocked is an expression i've barely seen in Carlisle's face before. I guess i've really surprised him this time.

"Sam was the one to bite his head off, of course. But, the revenge, the ending of his life. It was me. I was the one that burned him to ashes. I was the one that watched the life leave his eyes and it was me who his last words were aimed to."

Surprise is still visible on his face, but he looks much more confused now. As if finally understanding what was bothering me. It is not the fact that I killed Laurent, but that i unintencionally hurt Irina in the process.

And we all know what happened the last time a female vampire wanted revenge against the murderer of her mate.

"My love, i had no idea." He is still trying to understand everything. "You never told me." A hint of accusation in his tone annoys me for a second.

"There is a lot of things you've never told me, Carlisle." I remember him, not being able to hide the slight anger on my voice.

He looks down, chastised. Then, after a minute breathe's through his nose loudly. "Let's not worry about this right know, okay?" He tries to change the mood by adding a little smile on his pretty face.

"But, she might..."

"Shh...love, Irina is not even here right now. She didn't attend the wedding with the rest of her family." He pulls me closet when i visibly relax at hearing that. "Even so, she is an old friend. I'm sure everything is going to alright in the end.

"Oh. If you say so..."

I let him pull me into his hard chest, and enjoy beeing in his arms for a moment. But my mind was running wild with worries and questions.

 _What if she is planning an revenge against the pack?_

 _What if the others only came to spy on us and report to her?_

 _Why do i have the feeling that Irina is going to be a problem soon?_

My sixth sense is telling me something big is coming.

And this time i don't intend to sit down and wait to find out what it is.

 **Notes:**

1\. This chapter marks the end of the first act.

2\. I'm so sorry about the late update.

I don't have a good excuse for it, so i won't waste your time trying to make you understand it. For that i can only apologize.

3\. I have another account on AO3 which is the one I use the most, so check there for updates.

: I know i used to update once a week before, but from now on it will probably be once a month(i hope). Sorry...  
-

 **Happy new year!**


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